IS PERSONALITY CHANGE GOOD OR BAD?

Yes. That is, personality change has both a downside and an upside.

The theme that emerges from behavior and personality that’s constantly changing is this: “It’s not working.”

Consider the downside first. A great deal of psychological research over the years has shown that, in general, instability and inconsistency can cause problems (see Chapter 4). Having a disorganized, unsteady personality leads to difficulties in presenting a consistent self to other people, which can make them wary. Recall from Chapter 5 that people tend to like others who are “judgeable,” who are easy to understand, predict, and relate to. But when they don’t know what to expect or how to predict what a person will do, they are more likely to avoid that person. Instability is also a problem for the individual himself. Feeling that “I don’t know who I am” is a prime attribute of borderline personality disorder (see Chapter 17), a very severe affliction.

Moreover, if one’s personality is constantly changing, then it will be difficult to choose consistent goals that can be pursued over the long term. It is possible to become a world-class pianist, a respected scientist, or a successful business owner—but only if you choose this goal, stick to it, and strive towards it over months, years, and even decades. In contrast, the theme that emerges from behavior and personality that’s constantly changing is this: “It’s not working.” Overall, rapid changes in personality are associated with poor mental and physical health (Human, Biesanz, Miller, Chen, Lachman, & Seeman, 2012).

But that’s overall. Really, whether personality change is good or bad depends on exactly what changes. As we have already seen, neuroticism tends to decrease over most of the life span and conscientiousness tends to increase, and both of these changes are to the good (Magee, Heaven, & Miller, 2013). Probably the best kind of personality change is the slow, steady sort such as is illustrated in Figure 7.6. If you want to try to change your personality, you don’t need to do anything too drastic, sudden, or inconsistent with your previous self. Start with small changes that will accumulate over time and become habitual. Go, just this once, to the class you usually miss, skip that morning doughnut, head to the gym tonight, and then, do it all again tomorrow. Eventually you can become the person you want to be.

But first, ask yourself this: Who do I want to be, and how is that person different from the one I am now? Then ask yourself, what can I do, today, to make this change start to happen?